


an exchange

by organicjacket



Series: now available at gergins off route 109 [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bad Ending, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Identity Issues, Mind Games, Moral Ambiguity, Morally Ambiguous Character, No beta we die like Jasper, POV Multiple, Post-Episode s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, Spoilers for Episode: s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, Steven Universe is a Diamond, What-If, Why Did I Write This?, i was very nervous to post this cause i dont usually write angst, idk what a beta is anyways, steven i am so sorry, testing the 1000 word thing for a possible future fic, white diamond is stevens evil space gramma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28763490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/organicjacket/pseuds/organicjacket
Summary: During the confrontation in White's Head, Steven makes a different decision. (feat. steven's self-sacrificing tendencies and moral ambiguity)1000 word short fic
Series: now available at gergins off route 109 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003728
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	an exchange

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this idea in my head for weeks now and i felt the need to write it out...i apologize in advance

The ride home aboard Steven's Legs was quiet. Its passengers were not quite sure what to say - as if saying one wrong thing and they'll all fall apart on each other again. The only sounds providing them some sort of comfort was the low humming of the ship's engines and the occasional small conversation. It's unnerving. It's agonizing. It's uncomfortable.

 _He's_ uncomfortable. 

Peridot handles the ship, reassuring them that she'd get them back to Earth safely, distracting herself from the shell of a former friend in the corner.

Bismuth holds Pearl tightly in her arms, letting her sob shakily into her shoulder for someone who couldn't be there to reassure her with words.

Lapis avoids him at all costs, shuddering when he is released from his hold for only a few seconds - his power is unpredictable and he needs to breathe - then it's right back to where he was before. 

Amethyst tries to hold a conversation with him, hoping to spark some sort of human emotion back in him again, but he only holds a tight smile with empty eyes.

It's enough for Garnet to split into her components. Ruby paces the floor nervously while Sapphire traps herself in her Future Vision to look for a timeline where he manages to break out of the mind control and runs back to them with open arms - she finds one, but it's two years too late.

Blue and Yellow Diamond accompany them on their journey back to Earth, both of them on either side of the control panel where Peridot stood, clearly shaken about the whole ordeal. 

And Connie - 

* * *

_Maybe in some other universe, White Diamond would have pulled out Steven's gem and he would find out that he was really himself all along. They'd dance as they reunited while White shouted in the background in denial. Steven would laugh and come up with the greatest comeback of all time and he'd save the entire galaxy._

_It was a nice thought - an idealistic fantasy honestly._

* * *

And Connie sits in the far corner, watching Steven from a distance as White Diamond towers over him, her eyes on him so attentively like she was afraid she'd lose him if she moved even an inch. He can't move anyways, both the Knight and the Queen knew that. How could he? He's stuck like this - possibly forever. He doesn't cry. He can't.

Part of her wants to strangle Steven until he managed to snap out of it and apologize for making such a stupid decision and then the two of them would just binge-eat sweets until they both passed out from the sugar rush. However, the logical part of herself also wanted to know the reason why - why had he done this? Was it to fulfill his everlasting savior complex? Or was it what he thought was best for the greater good?

Too bad neither question would be answered anytime soon.

* * *

_The Gem Matriarch fills his head with lies that neither of them knew were true. She drones on and on about how Pink Diamond hid inside of an organic to escape from her responsibilities and surrounded herself with 'lower lifeforms' to feel important and their impurities only encouraged her rebellious behavior. Oh, stars, she laughs at his faulty claim about not being his mom because 'how dare he try to be someone other than the diamond embedded in his stomach?', it's one of Pink's favorite games after all!_

_"You know you're in there, you've known it all along," White says, her voice echoes in his mind painfully. "Stop cowering inside your gem. You can hide from yourself, but you can't hide from me, Pink."_

_Only then is when he grabs his hair and shuts his eyes forcefully as the hot tears begin to develop. He's panicked like this before. He doesn't know what to do. What if she's right? What if his entire life was just an elaborate prank?_ **_Nononononononononono_ ** _-_

_He's always known that he struggled heavily with his own identity before, it's nothing new. He can never make up his mind nowadays, whether or not he was Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond, or just plain old Steven Universe. White Diamond seemed to only make it worse._

* * *

"Steven!" Greg pushes through the crowd of people gathered in front of the giant alien ship, searching for his (hopefully fully intact) son. He barrels towards him and engulfs him in a hug. "I'm so glad that you're okay!"

His ghost of a son doesn't move to hug him back, nor does he make any indications that he had registered the contact. 

"St-Steven?" he repeats, shocked at the blatant unresponsiveness. He pulls back - and now he feels a heart attack coming on. "Steven!"

Instead of answering, the half-diamond looks right through him, his expression forms into a grimace. 

* * *

_In the back of her mind, White felt a small amount of sympathy for the writhing organic vessel on her floor, lost in his own panic and self-doubt. She pitied him. Maybe she'd give Pink a little more time to play her silly little game before she reformed into her former glory._

_"Now, now, dear Starlight," she smiles reassuringly. "There's no need to cry. You've always been handling her problems alone, haven't you?"_

_The human looks up at her with teary eyes, he hiccups softly, acknowledging her statement even if he didn't understand it._

_She purses her lips. "How about this - an exchange, perhaps?"_

_(It's like Malachite all over again, Steven thinks)._

* * *

Steven's gem is visible again - it's gray, bleached from White's power. His human body retains his organic features, one could only assume that the power was coming from his hard light veins that were his nerves and his colorless eyes. But still, he smiles like it would reassure them of a better future.

(It doesn't).

Their once favorite person, best friend, brother, son, leaves them again thinking he had saved the entire world from the Diamonds and Homeworld itself.

No one had heard from him in over two years. 

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry truly (please don't hunt me for sport)


End file.
